I am chuffed to bits that various decadent western voices of influence time and again remark that in one or two nooks of the thriving Eastern European paradise the blooms of doom methodically ravage life. A quote:
Viktor Orbán is building a corrupt oligarchical system, subsuming his friends and family too, in order to secure his power. Felcsút teems with evidence of his childhood dreams coming true, everything on show is a model of how he governs the country too; in seven years, he has moulded the state’s workings to his own likeness. The checks and balances that are meant to restrict the selfish whims of the powers that be frustrate his ego. The Prime Minister regularly supplies his party’s followers with state-sponsored credit and lucrative contracts. He decides who can acquire wealth in Hungary. No week passes without news of yet another sleaze scandal.
The above is from an article titled Web of Dependencies in the German weekly left-wing liberal rag of Der Spiegel, a voice that can’t think of anything better to do again than analyse Hungarian internal politics. With the same momentum, LL Mészáros and István Tiborcz have at last become A-list celebrities, as their names are mentioned in the article which clearly spells out the situation that the one named Orbán is once again under attack.
As I just wrote, I’m truly delighted that the German and the international press in general (no, we’re not sucking on German tits, we grin evilly and turn our backs on the European Union*) makes huge discoveries from time to time. The things we’ve been on about for a year regularly get diagnosed on both sides of the European friend/foe divide with a furrowed brow that then quickly dissipates. Long may they live! Then, in the following month, they wheel it out again to get aghast about for half a day.
Just imagine that there is an urban jungle of 1812 inhabitants somewhere in the sticks in Hungary, where there just happens to have appeared a football stadium a mere 50 metres from the soccer-mad Prime Minister’s house and where there’s also an empty dinky toy train running that’s partly been financed from EU funding. You won’t believe this, but at the top of this idyllic, peaceful scrapheap perchesmayo(nnais)r LL Mészáros who just six years ago worked as a gasman full time, but has since made it to the shortlist of the 20 wealthiest people in Hungary. A veritable polyhistor, he has an iron in every fire and a grand plan for the future of the country, and luckily he’s not alone with this. Because the prime ministerial son-in-law, István Tiborcz has found a good deal via his association with Viktor Orbán, too, who holds every single remote control in his hands.
What can we say to this, my brothers and sisters in naïve German Europeanhood? As long as we give them the benefit of he doubt and don’t suppose that it was Soros or Gyurcsány who penned the article behind the scenes with intent to defame the precious, beloved Prime Minister. Let’s face it, these fallen German left wing liberal slimeballscrawlers have once again stuck their noses into something that’s none of their business. Rather than sticking it up to their own chancellor and government, they have the temerity to have a go at our Victor because of his successes. They’re jealous, I’ll bet anything they are. Anything. They have no stadiums, or toy trains, or billionaire gasmen.
Let’s shift into wise (h)owl mode, as it were: I reckon we can all agree that our ululations (to put it in G.F.G.’s terms) barely spill into the organs of the Western media and popular opinion, if at all. It’s even worse news that they have virtually stopped spreading in our own media. However, in response to the obvious delay, I’d like to assert that it’s a barefaced lie that no week passes without a sleaze scandal. Correctly: we can be thankful when it’s just one, not more that comes to light daily. (Oh, seen that the face of the “Hungary is straining” – spoof, in reality “Hungary is stronger”- note by the translator – campaign is a failed businessman with mountains of debt? Let’s keep on setting good examples, end of rant.)
Further, it’s not quite true that Viktor Orbán is building a corrupt oligarchical system in order to secure his power. No, Viktor Orbán has already got this done over the past few years, he’s merely fine-tuning the nationwide assholery now. So, I can be über happy that even the German people can discover the Hungarian miracle, inasmuch as they are able to conceive of the existence of Disneyland in Felcsút and the Balkan kingdom. I, for my part, would struggle to believe that these things do indeed exist.
Actually, we have arrived at the main point here, which we knew already, but I like driving it home: it tends to stick better. Europe is watching, belatedly, with astonishment, but most of all with passive ennui that which is happening in the deepest pit of Europe. Germany embodies this passivity particularly well, and however outrageous it seems, however many times Orbán emits uproarious, contrarian laughter in the EU’s direction, whatever messages he may be sending Brussels on a daily basis, however vehemently he may be headbutting European values, Germany’s reaction never goes beyond publishing the odd article in this vein. The ones that gawp at the acts of this Napoleon-on-the-Danube. That’s all.
I have long believed that Europe and the European Union in general wasn’t prepared for this special brand of methodical motherfuckery that spawned and keeps maintaining the institutionalised corruption that’s taken hold in Hungary. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, leaders throughout Europe know what’s been happening in Hungary since Orbán seized power, but still do nothing. Anyone who’s hoping that articles like this will catalyse Germany into freeing Hungary from this personality disorder should stop hoping now.
The presence of German production lines in the country abundantly explains why they haven’t and won’t be stepping on the bunions of the Felcsútpharaoh in wellies who, despite his bombastic streams of anti-multi invectives does in fact do everything do accommodate them. This is why Europe is merely gawping at Hungary being steered in the hands of a loose cannon like he owns it, deeper and deeper into the quagmire of corruption. If we take the parliamentary logic of European politics, Orbán’sFideszsits comfortably with Merkel’s CDU, and orange votes are needed, indeed. Even if greedyballs erects a space station by the Felcsút stadium entrance. Sometimes they symbolically slap him in the face, like a stupid kid, but all that basically happens is that Der Spiegel or any random German paper posts a fuckinghell article on Orbán.
But, to tell the truth, we shouldn’t hold this against the Germans or Europe. This free-for-all can only be ended in the streets of Budapest or the polling booth. (Of the latter I’m no longer sure.) It won’t be Berlin or Brussels who’ll work a miracle. By the current state of play, present and future sanctions imposed by Brussels are only going to cause the great general to wail and thrash about and brandish his weapons, because Hungary is under attack again, but he’ll step up and defend it. The longer he does, the more fuckinghell it’s going to be.
*Reference to a cartoon in the state-issued 8th grade Geography textbook where Germany is portrayed as a huge (male) swine on whose teats (!) a number of smaller piglets sporting the flags of various European nations in need suck, except for the one wearing the Hungarian tricolour, who turns away displaying a cunning grin.
Translated by Judit Gábris
Edited by Réka Eszter Szabó